Bereavement.

Hui fern
Jan 22, 2022
5 min read

Please make sure you have watched Spider-Man No way Home before reading this!

*Spoiler Warning*

Losing a loved one will never be easy. It is one of the most heart wrenching moments that anyone could ever experience.

Our emotions can swing wildly during such a time, it clearly shows how powerful our relationships with other people are and the impact that they have made in our lives.

The common stages that a person undergoing grief would experience is widely known as the 5 stages of grief.

I would like to reference these emotions and stages that a person would carry or experience through the Spiderman Series. So... Spoilers ahead, you have been warned.

Peter parker, the character that we all know and love as a child has been through a lot of emotional damage as a young teen. Throughout the entire series, regardless of whether you're thinking of the animated version, the early 2000s version with Tobey Maguire, the 2012 version with Andrew Garfield or the latest reboot featuring Tom Holland, we can all agree that they have been through a lot. They have all lost someone that they dearly loved and treasured. But specifically, I will be diving more into the content shown in the latest Spiderman movie, "No Way Home"

The recent reboot always had the word "home" in all of the movie titles and I have a feeling that it is because they wanted to capture what home felt like for peter. Peter parker did not have the best childhood as his parent's weren't by his side this whole time, but he did have someone looking after him that is constantly showering him with love and affection.

That person is none other than Aunt May.

Peter started as a normal kid just trying to live through high school but the supernatural powers that he attained made him realize that being a hero is not easy, there are sacrifices to be made and it is impossible to save everyone.

"With great power, there must also come great responsibility." that was the last words Aunt May spoke to Peter as he held on to her sobbing.

The first stage is denial.

We tend to go numb during this stage, this means that we are in shock and are unsure of what to do. The sudden image or news of losing someone can be overwhelming and it makes you unsure of how to react. This stage was shown on the big screen when Peter realized that Aunt May was severely injured. He was in shock, instantly grabbed her before she fell and just hugged her tightly, being unsure of what to do.

The second stage is anger, it is necessary to carry this emotion to start to heal. The more you feel the anger raging from within you, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will get in terms with your emotions and start the healing process. Underneath the anger is pain, pain from feeling deserted/abandoned, pain from not being able to see their smile anymore, pain from all the remorse and regrets- regrets from the things that you wished that you could express to them. The anger builds a bridge over an open sea, to connect us with the deceased. The connection gives us the power, allows us to hold on to something, and above it all, it is an indication of the intensity of our love towards them.

Peter carried a copious amount of anger and hatred towards Green Goblin for killing Aunt May. He was filled with anger, his eyes was locked on one target and he only had one purpose for living - to kill Green Goblin for murdering his beloved Aunt May.

The third stage is bargaining.

"If only it was me."

"If only I could have reached earlier."

"If only I could have done this or that..."

"What if it was all a nightmare, I just have to wake up and everything will go back to normal again."

"What if we could turn back in time."

"What if I devote my life to helping others, will that bring her back?"

We tend to repeat the phrase "If only..." and "What if..." because we want to picture a different scenario, the one where your loved one will be spared. We try bargaining to take form of the temporary truce. Once you have repeated these phrases more often, guilt will start to be your companion because it will only make you blame yourself more. We also try to remain in the past, try to negotiate our way out of the tremendous pain, do anything to make it stop. This feeling may last longer than you may expect, but we can't put all the blame on ourselves because then you won't be fair to yourself. There are things that are out of our spectrum and can't be controlled no matter what we do even though we may think otherwise.

The fourth stage is depression.

You start to lose meaning in your life.

You withdraw from socializing with others.

You stopped taking care of yourself.

At this stage, you may start to wonder what is the purpose of doing anything at all when someone you deeply cared for is no longer present in your life. You are overwhelmed with intense sadness and just want to curl in the bed. It may take some time for you to sort out your feelings and figure out any major life decisions. It is not a state that we can easily snap out of and it is okay, we are allowed to take time off for ourselves to understand how to cope with the feelings and learn to kick off the new chapter of our lives.

Finally, the last stage is acceptance.

This is the stage where we learn to accept the reality and recognize that the reality is permanent. We may never be okay with losing them but we will eventually accept that they are gone.

Peter lost everything, Aunt May, Happy, MJ and even his best friend Ned.

Despite that, he continued to strive on, accepted that what is done can't be reverted but the love that he has for all of them will still carry on. He still tried to continue living his life, try to save others and continue to be the friendly neighborhood Spiderman.

We should try to continue to live on without them by your side and create a new norm. The world will continue spinning and everyone will carry on with their lives so why should you put a pause on your life? Live on for them and for yourselves, start living and start to enjoy yourself because you are allowed to do so. And no, you are not betraying them by trying to move on and enjoy your life. You will soon come to realize that although the bond that you carried with them can never be severed, we can make new meaningful relationships. Stop denying your feelings, create new connections, reach out to others and be more involved in their lives.

All things considered, it is never easy to lose someone dear to you, but that does not mean that you have to torment yourself or that you deserve any punishment. Continuing to live on is what would be best for them and for yourself. I hope you won't be so hard on yourself and I know you will get through this because there is still many others around you that adore and treasure you dearly. Here's to the new chapter of your life

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